


after all these things i've done, i think i love you better now

by sanguinetti



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Love Confessions, Modded Skyrim, Original Character(s), Skyrim companion mod, kai is the loml
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-07-11 17:27:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19931776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguinetti/pseuds/sanguinetti
Summary: A collection of drabbles between my Dragonborn, Valen, and her love, Kaidan.





	1. you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time posting on this website, so my apologies if this is a bit of a mess. I just wanted to see more Kaidan content so I decided to make some myself. I dunno if I'll ever make a full length fic with these dweebs, maybe just some drabbles here and there. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @sanguinettii

Kaidan had been… distant, to put it lightly. He wouldn’t look at or talk to Valen and it was beginning to worry her. Had their falling into bed together been a mistake? Perhaps something else had been bothering him but Valen was a bit afraid to ask. Valen set up camp once night had fallen and attempted to start a campfire. She had little luck since it had just rained and her magic was doing very little. She blew a sigh and sat on her bedroll. Kaidan sat on the bedroll across from her, ignoring her gaze and staring at the grass.

“Something on your mind, Kai?”

Valen regretted speaking the moment the words left her lips, Kaidan’s glare did not help. He kept his eyes on her for a moment before averting them back to the ground.

“It's nothing.” He replied gruffly.

“You say that, but I know it's not nothing, Kai. You're worrying me. You know you can tell me anything.”

"That's a kind sentiment, Valen, but leave it." He told her, attempting to keep his tone as kind as possible.

"Please tell me, Kai. I want to help you."

Kaidan felt his heart drop slightly as he looked at her sad expression and slightly drooping ears. He ran a hand over his face and let out a loud sigh. “It’s you, gods dammit! It’s _always_ you! You’re what’s on my mind every waking moment.”

“What are you trying to say?” Valen asked.

“I’m in love with you, Valen. When you cast your healing magic and brought me back from the brink of death… or that first time I saw you consuming a dragon’s soul, or perhaps when I told you my past and you didn’t spurn me. Mara only knows when it happened, it could have been from the moment I looked up from behind those iron bars and saw you for the first time, with no clue how you would change my life.” Kaidan rambled.

“Kai, I-”

“It doesn’t matter now… every morning I wake up more in love with you than the day before. I’ve never wanted someone so much in my life.” Kaidan said.

Valen let out a soft chuckle. “You’re insatiable, you know that?”

Kaidan laughed. “I know, I’m the one with the hunger. But I didn’t just mean the feeling of your skin against mine or the taste of your lips. I meant that I want to make a life with you, Valen. That is… if you feel the same way.”

Valen couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off her face as she covered her face with her hands. She peeked at Kaidan through her fingers while he looked at her expectantly, waiting for a response.

"Of course I feel the same way," She said, moving towards him until she was settled in his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You know I'm not great at this, Vay. You're the only person I've felt this way for and I feel like I don't do enough sometimes." He replied, his voice gradually getting quieter as he avoided eye contact.

She placed a hand on his cheek and turned his face towards hers. "Kaidan, you've done _so, so_ much for me, never doubt that. You've stuck with me through what have been the most difficult, stressful, and interesting times of my life and finding you in that prison was the best thing that ever happened to me. You're kind, loving, doteful, and a bit of a worry wart but you're my worry wart, all right?"

Kaidan let out a soft chuckle and let his body relax into her grip, wrapping an arm around her waist. "I suppose I am, aren't I? I've always been yours, there's no one else for me. But I want to know that you're mine, Vay. I want to know that there's no one else for you and that you won't get snatched outta my arms."

Valen smiled softly, tracing his features with her fingers. "I'm yours and you're mine. We're in this together, Kai."

"You're the blood of my blood and bone of my bone." He murmured before pressing his lips against hers.


	2. i almost died the day i lost you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valen dies and Kaidan feels a part of him go with her. (Not in my actual canon, I just like writing angst)

Kaidan always thought he’d be the one shielding Valen from a fatal blow. It was his initial job, after all. But their relationship became more than that. More than Kaidan fulfilling a debt, more than Valen needing someone to watch her back. Even more than friendship eventually. Of course, Kaidan had to fall in with love with her. Why wouldn’t he? It was just his luck. To build a family, a life, with someone only for it to be ripped away from him. This was never part of the plan. He simply wanted to fulfill a debt, to protect her for a bit and then move on. But those damn eyes drew him in. The warmth in them when she looked at him was intoxicating. Then there was her gentle heart, her intelligence, her compassion, her perseverance. The list was endless. It was impossible not to fall for her in some way. 

He wanted to scream. Life always had a way of fucking him over. He had lost everything before he met her. Wandering with only two goals; atone for his past and find out just exactly who he was. When he was captured by the Thalmor, he fully expected to die. He was almost content with the idea when Valen found him. She irritated him at first, asking him a seemingly endless amount of questions while he was choking on his own blood. But he found another purpose with her. She helped him find himself without him ever asking. That was something he could never repay. 

She was the best thing that ever happened to him and now she was slipping away from him. 

She seemed to be looking through him, off somewhere in the distance. She had grabbed his hand a few moments prior to provide some sense of comfort. Kaidan wasn’t sure if it was for her or him. Either way, it did very little. Valen seemed to gain self-awareness again as she gazed at him. She looked almost wistful, her thoughts filled with Kaidan and their children. Kaidan couldn’t find words as he looked at her. He felt like he was drowning. Like everything he had done in the past was finally creeping up on him and pulling him into the void. This was the least he deserved for the things he had done. Part of him wished she would have just spurned him the moment he told her about the things he had done. It would have been easier. Why did he have to be so selfish? He knew he didn’t deserve love after Rosalind but when the opportunity arose, he jumped forward and grasped it with all his might. Now he was stuck staring at the end result of his idiocy. 

He hadn’t noticed the tears running down his face until Valen reached up to brush them away. He felt his chest tighten as she smiled at him. 

“I love you. More than anything.” She told him, her voice barely above a whisper. 

That was when denial started to set in. 

“Don’t act like you’re going anywhere, sweetheart. You’re going to be okay, you hear me?” 

Valen simply smiled. “Always so stubborn.” 

“Valen, I... I can’t do this without you, love. Please don’t leave me.” Kaidan croaked, tightening his grip on her. 

“You could always keep me in a soul gem,” Valen suggested with a small smile. 

The response only made Kaidan more distraught. He knew she was joking but they had seen the Soul Cairn and that the last place he wanted her to go. He couldn’t imagine her wandering by herself in despair, desperate for some way out that would never present itself. Valen muttered a small apology as she saw his face twist further into pure desolation. 

“Too soon? Ah, well, wherever it is that I end up, I’ll always be with you, my love. In spirit, I suppose? Tell the children I love them, not that Ciri will care much,” This seemed to sadden her as she scowled. “Ciri… she won’t remember me, will she? Suppose it doesn’t matter now…”

She continued to ramble on the best she could, her breathing getting shallower by the second. Kaidan still couldn’t accept he was running out of time. He was scared. Scared to raise their family without her. Scared of where she was going next. Would she be going to Sovengarde? Would she be given a choice? It was the least she deserved for saving the world three times over. Kaidan was too lost in thought to notice that Valen had stopped breathing for a few moments. He looked down at her lifeless body, the fact that she was dead not quite registering with him. 

“Hey sweetheart, open your eyes,” He said, shaking her lightly. “Come back, it’s okay, you’re okay. Please wake up, my love. Don’t do this to me. I love you so much. Please come back to me.” 

Kaidan began to get more hysterical, shaking her harshly and begging her to open her eyes. It seemed like an eternity before he could accept what had happened. He took a breath, staring at his love. This was it. This was the end. She was never coming back and he would never be the same. 

All he could do was stare at her. The grass around her was stained in her blood and her normally tan skin was a sickly green. Her black hair formed a halo around her head and the blue hues were illuminated by the rising sun. Her eyes were still open, still playing with light the way honey teases an unsuspecting sunbeam. But the familiar orangey-brown warmness that was present when she looked him was absent. They were vacant and seemed to be slowly draining their color. His chest began to heave with sobs as he looked at her lifeless body. The feeling wasn’t foreign by any means, he felt similar when he found Brynjar dead but he was angry then. He isn’t now though, not even at the bastard who killed her. He just wanted her to hold him one more time and tell him that everything would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll write a full length fic for them once I can get my laptop fixed, if that would be of any interest to anyone. I've just been copying drabbles out of my docs because I don't like writing on my phone. Ciri is their daughter if that was confusing btw.


	3. you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece

They were a tangle of limbs, facing each other, their chests still heaving. Valen looked at him with a soft smile, brushing hair out of his face. They stayed in comfortable silence, curling further into each other like every other night they were alone together. It was like home, calloused hands roaming as they breathed each other in. 

Valen's gaze drifted from his face to his broad torso, peppered in scars like the rest of him. She was always curious as to how he got them, but she didn't want to trigger any bad memories so she never asked. He was already plagued with those as it is. Not to mention the occasional phantom pains he'd get at night. She shifted and let out a content sigh, absentmindedly tracing her fingertips over the scarred flesh on his chest. His back was the worst of it, someone had likely taken a whip to him. His front, however, was likely more from combat than anything. She dragged a fingertip along a particularly deep, and likely fairly recent, one along his stomach. 

“You have so many,” She whispered, her voice barely audible as she ran her fingers along the others on his chest. 

“Typical for a mercenary, I reckon,” Kaidan mumbled.

“I know, but I still feel bad. Some of these must have been painful.” 

“If it hurt, I probably deserved it.” Valen scowled and lifted her head from his arm that had been acting as a pillow for several minutes. 

“I wish you wouldn’t say things like that. You’re a good man, Kai.” 

Kaidan huffed, moving his arm so that it was behind her head as he rested beside her. She brought her finger to his bicep, almost in a trance. 

“Aye, maybe  _ now _ . But it wasn’t always that way, you know that... Or maybe you’re biased, hm? Having this  _ barbarian _ all to yourself?” 

Valen smiled at his reference to his prior conversation with Lucien as she trailed down his forearm, eventually reaching his hand and taking it in hers. She looked at him and gave his hand a short peck. 

“Maybe I am,” She murmured, earning a soft laugh from Kaidan. “You can hardly blame me, with you looking like you do. Now hush and go to bed.” 

She rested her head against his chest, and he let go of her hand to pull her closer to him. 

“You’re sure you don’t wanna go another round?” He muttered lowly, eyeing her bare body that was pressed against his. She raised her head, pressing her lips to his, and she shifted herself so she was straddling him. 

“Thought you’d never ask,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started a full-length fic with them called Playing With Fire if anyone wants to check it out.


End file.
